So I’ve bit off a bit more than I could chew. Now what? Well, I’ve made sure I don’t do things I don’t want to do (but made sure that they are not something I need to do). Then, I do things I want to do after I do the things I need to do. If the things I need to do is not something I want to do, I only do the bare minimum of it to be acceptable. For the things I need to do that are also something I want to do, I do it until I bleed from every orifice. Because those are the things that will probably take me places. If I enjoy it, and people see that I enjoy it, and it’s something I do well, it’s good for everyone involved. On the contrary, If I do something I don’t believe 100% in, and it’s something that’s not all that important. I won’t do it. Because half-assed completion won’t be good for anyone.
On that note, I’m a bit of a hedonist, meaning I enjoy doing things that are ultimately enjoyable. I sketch and paint, sculpt and design, write stories and talk to students. These are all enjoyable things to me. I would never give up any aspect of these even if some or all bring me pain and suffering. As such, I tend to disagree with the notion that people should pick one thing they are good at and stick with it to the grave.
I mean, why must people flog themselves to do just one thing if they enjoy doing varieties of things? We’re not machines with one job. Why must they do the things they hate simply because someone said that they should?
I don’t believe that a person can only do one thing up to their funeral. That seems silly. All these years, I’ve been told by people that I should only stick to one thing or I’ll only be mediocre in all. Jack of all trades, master of none. But those are some guy’s words. In 70 years, that guy’ll probably be dead. Nobody will remember him. And nobody will remember you. There’s no point in getting stuck doing one thing and regretting not doing something in your deathbed simply because that one person out of 7 billion people told you that he saw someone bleed because they bit off more they can chew.
Alright, it’s not like I’ve completely dismissed that idea from the get-go. I’ve seriously ruminated with those thoughts for years. But no matter what I do, I will eventually grow tired of it and do something else. Then, I get bored of that and go and do something else. Eventually, I’ve done a dozen things and left pretty much everything unfinished. More so than criticizing myself for starting too many things, I should simply focus on trying to finish some things. that way, nothing is completely gone to waste.
For one, if I try to change that aspect of myself, I feel like I’m letting go of an important part of being Ryo. That aspect is vital to being myself. It’s the part that brings me both joy and suffering. Even if loosening it will lessen my suffering, I will also irredeemably lose a part of my joy as well. It’s why I can relish the thought of going outside of the box, to challenge the norm and try something no one has done before. It’s the reason I can go out to do things that is outside of my comfort level. To meet new people, exchange ideas, and become a better person.
It’s a blessing, and a curse. But I don’t wish it away. Not at all.