So, here's an update on things. I've become a bit more robust as a person. Mostly thanks to a few good things that happened in my life. Here's a list for anyone that's interested:
1. Becoming comfortable as a TA
2. Finding a mind-numbing yet fulfilling part-time work
3. Finding a comfortable tribe
4. Learning things I genuinely care about
5. Going to Japan
6. Something I shouldn't disclose
It's surprising. I never thought I could get to a point where I look back at the recent few weeks and discover that they are pretty much devoid of unproductiveness. I feel more confident, and I feel like my words are worth something. Perhaps it's because of a sense of elitism that helps boost my confidence? Or am I maturing as an individual?
In any case, I found a good middle ground when it comes to being a TA. Not quite a professor, but definitely not a student. I've accepted my role as a sort-of mentor for the 3rd years, giving a push where need be, and leaving them to figure out most things. Mostly, trying to become a TA I wish I had when I was in school. Mostly, issues I had with my bachelor's degree, questions to which I had no answers, and some serious habits that I wish people have criticized me for. More than anything, though, I wish I had a real mentor.
Next, my new part-time work that I got after asking a past employer. It's a huge boost to my confidence, and it's a job I can be confident to excelling at. The challenge is there, and there is definitely room to grow. Plus, it's a decent pay and with it, I can be fully independent for the first time in my life. This is great feeling.
Then, I have found a good tribe. Or in other words, a group of people I enjoy hanging around with. Sure, it's a meeting that happens once every two weeks, and the social aspect isn't really that extraordinary, but it's something I look forward to. It's strange, for 25 years of my life, I've never had an instance where I can look forward to something consistently. Mostly, though, it's something that'll break up school work and have a time to genuinely relax. Probably my greatest decision (despite my initial hesitation) I have made since coming back to Ottawa.
The next is pretty obvious. I found that the courses I'm taking is surprisingly, pretty interesting. Although assignments are kinda steep, it's pretty manageable. Still peeved that there's not many decent courses a master of design student can take, though.
Yeah, going to Japan had a lasting impact on me. I still reminisce and think about my time there. I've done a bit of thinking, and though I thought of returning to Japan, I don't I will. Japan is uncomfortable. Not in the 35ºC 100% humidity kinda way, but more of the realization that I'm not Japanese. It's painful, but I should bin the notion that I'm one of them, because I'm not. Even if I live there, I feel like the environment will take away more from me than give. I don't belong in Canada, I don't belong in the States, I don't belong in Japan. I want to travel to find a place where I belong. This is evident to me now.
And finally, I won't say, but the main point of interest is simply, I took control of it by my own intuition. Which, despite the seemingly minuscule victory, is a huge personal accomplishment.
Other than that, masters thesis going very slowly, now that I need to catch up my electives. Not looking like I could finish it within 2 years, sad to say.